[Dorian has to think about that for a moment. Not long ago, he would have considered his wickedness a default state he was inexorably dragged to time and time again. It was a curse, for him to remain unchanging while his portrait learned all the lessons. Even if that were true, the portrait isn't here.
But if he's honest with himself, he knows it's simply weak will. For all Lord Henry's words seemed like wisdom long ago, that was what he truly preached. The man spoke with such savvy, but lacked the gumption to follow the lifestyle he taught to his disciple. Ethan was right. Dorian hasn't mastered his emotions--he just runs from them. He's always known it, on a level buried deep.
He can say he didn't think anyone would be out for Ethan to maul, but in truth, he didn't give a fuck about anyone getting hurt. Now, he cares that people got hurt. Like how he'd kindled the fire in Lily, only to put her down when she became too destructive. He'd stood by her on the path to world domination, but like Lord Henry, he didn't have the conviction to follow through. He is nearly as bad at being wicked as he is at being good.
Maybe somewhere in the middle, above where he is right now, he can find habits he can sustain. And once those are mastered, perhaps there will be a foothold to climb upward.]
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But if he's honest with himself, he knows it's simply weak will. For all Lord Henry's words seemed like wisdom long ago, that was what he truly preached. The man spoke with such savvy, but lacked the gumption to follow the lifestyle he taught to his disciple.
Ethan was right. Dorian hasn't mastered his emotions--he just runs from them. He's always known it, on a level buried deep.
He can say he didn't think anyone would be out for Ethan to maul, but in truth, he didn't give a fuck about anyone getting hurt. Now, he cares that people got hurt. Like how he'd kindled the fire in Lily, only to put her down when she became too destructive. He'd stood by her on the path to world domination, but like Lord Henry, he didn't have the conviction to follow through. He is nearly as bad at being wicked as he is at being good.
Maybe somewhere in the middle, above where he is right now, he can find habits he can sustain. And once those are mastered, perhaps there will be a foothold to climb upward.]
I truly hope not, [he says quietly.]